Charisma is a combination of perceived power and warmth. Charismatic people basically communicate two messages to you: “I am powerful (= confident)” and “I like you”. Whether it’s true or not is another matter. But if you perceive a person this way, you are attracted to them. You basically perceive a person who wants to do good by you and, which is of equal importance, who can. A powerful friend.

Imagine a quadrant:

Weakness and bitterness = disgust, pity, repulsion

Weakness and warmth = compassion

Strength and bitterness = a potentially dangerous enemy, fear

Strength and warmth = charisma, a powerful ally, attraction

This is just what’s going on on the surface of the social games. Much deeper down, both perceived weakness and strength, security and insecurity are masks, as well as bitterness and warmth, attraction and repulsion. But at least when you meet someone charismatic, it might give you a better idea about why you are attracted to them.

Charismatic people can and often do deceive others, just like anyone else, and they frequently over-project both their confidence and their warmth, because they enjoy their social role and the perks and the attention it brings. If you don’t want to be deceived by a charismatic person, pay much closer attention to how genuine their warmth is rather than their confidence. It’s all too easy to be smitten by confidence, especially if you’re somewhat insecure. Warmth is much more important. And look at what they do, not what they say.

Narcissists can be very charismatic, too, although most charismatic people are not narcissists, not in the clinical sense, which is to say, not more than others or only slightly so.