No.

It’s just that when you’re enlightened, truly loving your partner is easy and effortless, and when you’re not, it is difficult, it can be very difficult.

Ego recoils from unconditional love, unconditional love is exceptionally painful for the ego. It moans, whines and protests, it has its own agenda, its own offenses, myriads of petty little disagreements, it accumulates grudges, it demands validation and admiration, it wants to always be right, and it always wants to be above even when it wants to be below.

So, deep love to your partner can be a guiding light for you, same way true love for yourself is. When your love to your partner, your authentic desire for their well-being, is stronger than your offenses, it can be both a very painful and a very insightful experience. When that happens, the suffering will come, for love always uncovers suffering. And when it comes, just witness yourself and notice that it comes and goes, and it always subsides eventually, but your unconditional love for your partner is always there, it is immovable, it cannot be touched, it can only grow.

Every love is a blessing. If you can’t love anybody, you can’t love yourself, and vice versa. If you are blessed to have a partner, whom you love truly, not in a demanding way, not in a self-gratifying way, but in an authentic, deep way, then this love can teach you to love yourself in a similar way. This love can teach you the deep equality, the deep sameness, which every one of us knows deep inside, but we forget it by constantly being lost in the mind’s endless comparisons, by being enamored by them and being trapped by them.

Living with a partner whom you truly love will not be easy, but it’s a blessing in disguise. It will constantly remind you what is truly important in life, and what’s just bling. Look at your partner. One day they will be dead. What else is there to say? If you truly understand it, if you have truly accepted it, what else is there to say?

So, take joy in your partner, cherish your partner, open up to your partner, and invite them to open up to you, to grow with you in a never-ending intimacy. Aim to understand your partner in an accepting, compassionate, non-judgmental way, and to relate to their life experience, even if it feels so alien and inaccessible to you. And with that, your own understanding of yourself will grow. Take it to the level which is uncomfortable for you, which is scary for you, and you will begin to merge with your partner, your boundaries and insecurities will begin to slowly dissolve, your intimacy will grow to the depths you never thought were possible, to the depths you never thought you were capable of, tears will start to flow out of your eyes, and you will be well on your way to enlightenment.

And if you do it together, if your wish is to merge into each other together, to grow in love and intimacy together, then it’s even better for the both of you.