I have been involved with many people who I considered to be narcissists before enlightenment. I suspected them of sociopathy and psychopathy, too. I even read books and blogs on narcissism and sociopathy to understand what was happening to me. I thought I knew all about it hehehe. I knew nothing. All of that was needed to uncover my own pain and free myself from my own pain. At the end of the road, I was the narcissist to think of them as narcissists.

Every ego is fundamentally narcissistic in nature. That’s basically what it is. Ego is narcissism, and narcissism is ego. So, narcissists are just people with very big egos, and consequently, they suffer more than others, not less. They are not in touch with their suffering, there’s a lot of suppression in them. If you break through their shell and deliver what is called a “narcissistic injury”, they may respond with what is called a “narcissistic rage”. It’s not fun for them, it’s painful. It’s just their suppressed egoic trauma coming up to the surface. They are basically living in hell constantly having to prop up their grandiosity in order to avoid the fall into irrelevance. And that’s why they are so hurtful.

Every insult to which you react emotionally is precisely of the same nature. If you feel insulted, you can rest assured it’s a narcissistic injury. Which is why in spirituality, it’s unproductive to engage with the person and tell them what you think of them. Even if you delude yourself thinking you’re spiritually advanced, and they’re just ignorant, in reality, it’s just a mild version of narcissistic rage. The focus must be on yourself. “This hurt” or “I’m feeling angry” are both true and authentic, they are wonderful expression of self-love. “You’re an asshole” is narcissistic rage. When mere words lose their capacity to invoke any sort of reaction in you, you will see “nice” people as equally narcissistic in their righteousness as people who are not “nice”. When that happens, you are free and you can do whatever you want. Until then, the focus must always be on you and acceptance of your own emotional experience with unconditional love for yourself.

For as long as you see narcissism in people, you see ego in people. If you see ego, you are ego. If you see narcissists, you are a narcissist.

One must first burn the ego. Only when the coals are cold you have wisdom to share.