Holding a grudge is simply experiencing negative emotion when seeing or thinking of another person. Nothing else. Allow this emotional experience to see that it belongs to you. They did what they did, but they did not give it to you.

Accept it and make it yours. The denial of it is what a grudge is. That’s what you’re holding on to - your denial. The worst thing you can do is keep telling yourself that you shouldn’t hold a grudge. That’s how you keep pretending.

So do the opposite! Accept it, allow yourself to be offended and hateful, be bitter, don’t hide it from yourself, there’s no reason to lie. But have compassion for yourself, because bitterness is a difficult experience. Hatred is a difficult experience. It is not easy to be offended, it is not easy to be bitter. Be kind to yourself.

You cannot open your heart to another person before you open your heart to yourself. Give in to yourself, and the grudge will leave you like the sand leaves your hand when you relax a clinched fist.